


Caveat Rabbit

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Lord of the Rings (2001 2002 2003), Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: April Showers Challenge 2011
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-02-16
Updated: 2003-02-16
Packaged: 2017-10-18 01:29:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/183457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever wonder where plot bunnies come from? Yeah, neither did I. Silly!Fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Caveat Rabbit

Aragorn liked to consider himself a fairly open-minded individual. After all, it wasn't he that hadn't had dealing with dwarves since the dark times (unlike some elves he could mention), and he knew the width and breadth of middle-earth. But that didn't prepare him for what he found in Boromir's pack. A bunny. A large *pink* bunny. With ruffles.

"Boromir!"

"You don't need to scare the birds, Aragorn. I'm right here. What is it?"

"What is this?"

Boromir blushed. "It's a bunny."

"Your bunny?"

"Er...no. Got it from Eomer, right. Eomer. You know, nephew of the king of Rohan? Big horse? Floppy pony-tail?"

"Never met him. So it's his bunny? Then what's it doing here?"

"Spying?"

Aragorn threw his hands up in exasperation (coincidentally sending Mr. Bunny flying gracefully into the air, where he performed a perfect triple somersault, eliciting high marks from all but the French judge). "Spying? On what?"

"Um...us."

"WHAT?!"

Boromir was almost as pink as the bunny. "Well, you know rumors?"

"You mean how infernal gossip is spread? Yes."

"It's almost like that. But not quite."

"Boromir..."

"What would you say if I told you that in an alternate universe, a few Ages down the line, sex-deprived women were writing all about our escapades?"

"Frankly, dear, that you're insane."

"Quite possible. But these sex-deprived women don't just limit themselves to writing about our legitimate escapades, oh no. They have to go and write about our sex life. As if they can't just get ones of their own."

Aragorn wondered which of the hobbits had slipped his lover pipeweed. Everyone knew Boromir had no tolerance for it. "And so the pink rabbit?"

"Hey, if they're going to write it, they might as well write what really happened, not some made up version. If I let them, they'd have us speaking in some odd archaic fashion, going around challenging people to duels for not giving us proper respect when crossing borders."

"It was only once!" Aragorn wondered how Boromir had found out about that. Legolas had been sworn to secrecy and no self-respecting elf would spill secrets to a Gondorian.

"That's why the bunny is here. So the writers don't write about embarrassing things like that."

"Instead they simply write about how I like to undress you and ride you like a horse?"

"Yep. They like it; they think it's erotic."

"Erotic? It's nothing but perverted. I only do it to humiliate you." Aragorn bit his tongue, too late.

Boromir burst into tears and ran to grab the rabbit from the bush in which it was stuck. "He doesn't mean that, bunny-wunny! He really loves us, he does! He's just trying to push us away, but we won't lets him! No no, precious, we won't!"

"Umm...Boromir..."

"Oh, leave us alone, You-Of-Many-Names! You spurns our love!"

"Oh, Boromir, it's not that I don't love you-"

"It's that you wants to humiliate us for every time Father did you in?"

Aragorn knelt down and tried to pry the rabbit away from Boromir. Boromir held tight, tears streaming down his face. If Aragorn hadn't know better, he could have sworn he was still in Minas Tirith, having been convinced into babysitting the young brat. There had been a reason he had taken his leave of Ecthelion when he had. "Honey, it's not like that." 'Honey'? Aragorn wondered how gullible these writers were. Could they actually believe that big manly men spoke that way? Well, some people would believe anything. But damned if it wasn't true. "I love only you. And if I'm a bit of a sadist at times, it's only because I've spent most of my life wandering along in the wilderness."

"And Arwen?"

"She's just a plot device so we can have some angst issues. Don't worry about her. She's plenty happy with the twins to keep her company. They can be quite imaginative."

Boromir sniffed and surrendered the stuffed toy reluctantly. "Are you _sure_ , 'gorn?"

"Positive, my love." Suddenly forty years seemed a huge age gap. Strange, but wasn't Boromir the same age as Denethor had been when Aragorn had known him? "So why don't we put the bunny away, preferably somewhere where it can have a nice good view, and then go at it?"

Boromir wiped his nose on his chainmail and let Aragorn help him to his feet. Boromir clung to his lover tightly, as if finally finding a replacement for the rabbit. "How do I know this isn't just a plot to humiliate me?"

"Because I love you."

"Good reason." Boromir decided and then leaned backwards far enough so that he could stare his king in the eye. "So why were you in my pack in the first place, 'gorny?"

Aragorn reddened. "If you must know, I was looking for your pink trousers."

Boromir gaped and then doubled over in laughter. "By the Valar, those neurotic women will never believe this one!"


End file.
